Devastated...

Well, if you don't want to be depressed.....stop reading right now. I am going to use my blog, to help myself right now. I thought today I'd blog about being 1 day away from our trip, but instead we found my cat dead on our deck this morning. Talk about shock! I loved this guy so much, like I have loved no other animal in my life. There was just a connection. He made me laugh, was my companion and just genuinely liked me exactly the way I am. No matter what. He waited for me after work....and just the sound of his bell was music to my ears. My eyes are swollen, to the point of ridiculousness...and I can't eat a thing. I am sick with sadness. We have last minute errands, and packing to do...but I don't care. I just can't make sense of it. He's 4, taken care of, and totally loved...and he is TAKEN from me! Why? I just don't and won't understand. He brought me joy, why must that leave? I have SO many questions for God right now......starting with why him? why me? why now? Watching Ian cry today...going to the crematorium and picking out an urn...why me? why now? why him? So many people don't care about their animals....and they get to live....why do mine live such short lives? We love them so, would do anything for them...why? People mistreat animals...and then stock pile 100 of them...I love mine...and they are gone too soon. People chain up their dogs, kick them, beat them, and lock their cats outside....not me! And why? Because they mean something to me. They are a part of our family. I adored this cat! He was awesome. He waited at the bus stop with the kids, hung out in the treehouse, and hid behind the door to startle his brother. Garfield meant so much to me. He was my dear loving cat...who lived up to every part of his namesake. He was a bit chubby, lazy, and would jump on my chest every night, and sniff me right in the face...twice....just to let me know "I'm here Mom!" and I loved it! He'd knead in my leg or arm...yeah it hurt...but he loved it...so, I tolerated it! I am SO SAD! I love you my Garf! I would do anything to bring you back....